Reaching down into my crotch, I smeared it everywhere. I set the brochure down on the table, pulled down my pants, and squeezed a quarter-sized dab of numbing cream onto my hand.
You can read this if you finish early.” With that, she handed me a brochure for “GAINSWave”, cover adorned with the smiling face of Dr. And put on one of those gowns.I’ll be back in a few minutes. “Apply the numbing cream everywhere on your penis and testicles.
She escorted me to a white-washed medical examination room with a table, a stool, a pile of space-age equipment, and a rack full of medical gowns. But instead, the door of his office opened and the nurse stepped back in. I grimaced, half-expecting him to snatch the syringe from my clutch and rip my pants off right there. Let’s get that numbing cream on, shall we?” He grinned the grin of a 60-plus-year-old doctor jacked up on growth hormone and testosterone. After he interviewed me for over an hour about my hormones, my libido, my sleep, and a host of other factors that made me feel like a retiree checking into a nursing home, all I could say was:
Dick Gaines is the name of anesthesiologist turned anti-aging physician who has patented the GAINSwave technology nationwide. She escorted me to the office of-don’t snicker-Richard Gaines, M.D. Not your typical blue frock-donning nurse, mind you, but more like Jessica Rabbit decked out in in a full-blown white sexy nurse outfit, cherry red lipstick, short pleated skirt, hair pulled back in a bun: the works. Before I had time to take a swig of water, a side door swung open and a nurse stepped out. I nodded and gulped, staring at the syringe in my hand. a horse-sized syringe of white penis-numbing cream. Just like at the doctor’s office, a bespectacled receptionist smiled, checked me in, and handed me a bottle of chilled water along with… Upon stepping into the clinic, I was welcomed by a stand of colorful brochures advertising fringe medical procedures like the P-Shot (literally, a shot of growth factors into your dick), the O-Shot (same thing, but for the ladies), a smattering of hormone injections, and of course, sound wave therapy for the crotch. When GAINSWave called to offer me a complimentary, guinea-pig trial, they claimed that with a quick 20-minute procedure, they could enhance one's sex life, build entirely new blood vessels to the genitals, fix libido and sexual issues, eliminate erectile dysfunction, and increase size and vascularity-all without the use of Cialis or Viagra. But just a month prior, I’d committed to visiting, on my trip back from a yoga retreat in Costa Rica, an anti-aging and sexual therapy clinic called “GAINSWave“ in Hollywood, Florida, with plans to subject myself to a fancy, new sound-wave therapy protocol called “extracorporeal shock wave therapy.” “You ready for this, little fella?”Īt that point, I wasn’t quite sure what sort of adventure my nether regions were about to embark upon. I placed my hand on the handle of the glass door leading into the medical clinic, took a deep breath, and glanced at my crotch.